My outer world is shrinking as my strength goes down.
But as I look into my window sills laden with flowers and beyond into nature’s sculpture of the barks of timeless oaks, I am again in an inner world that expands and satisfies.
Nature from which we come and to which we return, holds out her arms.
I am content with this beginning and resolution.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Blog 8/18/08
Before I left Memorial behind today, I had a wonderful call from Prashant Iyengar and was able to speak with him and with Guruji. Then, my daughters, a wonderful friend from California, and I made our way Elizabeth’s home in Westchester. The Bronx River Parkway broadens into a woodland ribbon of park meandering from the Bronx into Westchester. Trees, birds and little wild creatures welcomed us into the timelessness and cycles of nature.
Soon I was settled into a bright, cheery, second-story room nestled in the trees. Everything is here and thought through for my comfort and care. I spent the evening enjoying the memories and thoughts that come from rereading your cards and letters. I wish I could thank you and respond individually to what you wrote. Know that I smiled and sometimes laughed out loud learning about what is new with you and your thoughts about life --- each thought a treasure and gift to me. Know also that your unwritten prayers and ideas are reaching me and warm my heart as well.
I cherish the family time, rest, and possibilities each new day brings. I use what I have learned and keep learning from the experience yoga has opened to me about life to keep my spirits up and to be in the moment.
With love,
Mary
Soon I was settled into a bright, cheery, second-story room nestled in the trees. Everything is here and thought through for my comfort and care. I spent the evening enjoying the memories and thoughts that come from rereading your cards and letters. I wish I could thank you and respond individually to what you wrote. Know that I smiled and sometimes laughed out loud learning about what is new with you and your thoughts about life --- each thought a treasure and gift to me. Know also that your unwritten prayers and ideas are reaching me and warm my heart as well.
I cherish the family time, rest, and possibilities each new day brings. I use what I have learned and keep learning from the experience yoga has opened to me about life to keep my spirits up and to be in the moment.
With love,
Mary
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Blog 8/12
At the beginning of the month I moved out to be with my daughter Elizabeth and her family in Scarsdale, taking advantage of the care and services offered by hospice. We twice found ourselves most comfortable coming back to Memorial for treatment to correct unforeseen complications. As of Tuesday the 12th I am still at memorial but hope to go back to Scarsdale by the end of the week, as we seem to have things under control.
Saturday night’s practice for emotional stability, at the Institute, sounded wonderful. My only regret was that I wasn’t there with you. But I dare say that I joined many who were not on site but were there in spirit.
It has been wonderful having Roger, my former husband, with me as well as my brother and sister-in-law. My daughter, Louise, will be with me for another extended stay when I leave the hospital.
The birds will still be soaring, the hydrangeas adorning and the grandchildren coming up with all sorts of new tricks to endear them to us when I return to Scarsdale.
Until then, I am uplifted by your thoughts and prayers. In the meantime I retain the hope for a miracle while I also accept the inevitability of the end that awaits us all.
With love,
Mary
Saturday night’s practice for emotional stability, at the Institute, sounded wonderful. My only regret was that I wasn’t there with you. But I dare say that I joined many who were not on site but were there in spirit.
It has been wonderful having Roger, my former husband, with me as well as my brother and sister-in-law. My daughter, Louise, will be with me for another extended stay when I leave the hospital.
The birds will still be soaring, the hydrangeas adorning and the grandchildren coming up with all sorts of new tricks to endear them to us when I return to Scarsdale.
Until then, I am uplifted by your thoughts and prayers. In the meantime I retain the hope for a miracle while I also accept the inevitability of the end that awaits us all.
With love,
Mary
Monday, August 4, 2008
Blog August 4, 2008
I did get home the hospital and settled back into my apartment. I will be here for a few more days and then take some time at my daughter’s at Westchester for family visiting. My former husband, Roger, and brother and his wife are both coming to see me there as well as a wonderful friend from Colorado. In the meantime, Dean and Rebecca Lerner have been here along with my daughter Louise and her husband nursing me back to better than I have felt in weeks.
This morning the lure of the light and crispness of the air pushed me out for an early walk to Hudson River, the first walk of consequence in quite some time. In the hospital, I had a fall while escorting a very tall lean pole. The fall and hospital goings on curtailed my walking. But walking is improving and I am more secure day by day.
I can report big improvement in the nausea--eating loop too. I am attributing it to Slippery Elm powder suggested by the Learners, which so far has proved, if not miraculous, at least close.
All this improvement is certainly good for my spirits and balances out the bells and whistles I have attached to me (the devices attached to my midsection for draining etc.)
I am continuing to live day by day and enjoy the good times.
With love,
Mary
This morning the lure of the light and crispness of the air pushed me out for an early walk to Hudson River, the first walk of consequence in quite some time. In the hospital, I had a fall while escorting a very tall lean pole. The fall and hospital goings on curtailed my walking. But walking is improving and I am more secure day by day.
I can report big improvement in the nausea--eating loop too. I am attributing it to Slippery Elm powder suggested by the Learners, which so far has proved, if not miraculous, at least close.
All this improvement is certainly good for my spirits and balances out the bells and whistles I have attached to me (the devices attached to my midsection for draining etc.)
I am continuing to live day by day and enjoy the good times.
With love,
Mary
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Blog 7-27-08
Dear friends,
The last few weeks have been eventful. James and I went to Ann Arbor to see my mother and work on clearing the house two weeks ago, and was glad to see her and get more work done on the house that always seems to have more to give.
I was able to go to the Institute for a small celebration we had for Guru Purnima. The celebration was to show our appreciation of our Guru, Shri B.K.S. Iyengar along with the August issue of Fit Yoga which is dedicated to his genius and the genius of the Iyengar method.
Then home and a wonderful visit from Elizabeth Whalley. Soon after that I went back into Memorial Hospital to try to figure out what to do to help my situation. I am in the hospital now, hoping to come home on Tuesday.
I reflect on what a wonderful life I’ve had. How many dear friends I have. What a devoted family I have. How lucky I am to have been able to do something in my live that is meaningful to me and others.
You couldn’t ask for anything better than that … accept a little more.
Love,
Mary
The last few weeks have been eventful. James and I went to Ann Arbor to see my mother and work on clearing the house two weeks ago, and was glad to see her and get more work done on the house that always seems to have more to give.
I was able to go to the Institute for a small celebration we had for Guru Purnima. The celebration was to show our appreciation of our Guru, Shri B.K.S. Iyengar along with the August issue of Fit Yoga which is dedicated to his genius and the genius of the Iyengar method.
Then home and a wonderful visit from Elizabeth Whalley. Soon after that I went back into Memorial Hospital to try to figure out what to do to help my situation. I am in the hospital now, hoping to come home on Tuesday.
I reflect on what a wonderful life I’ve had. How many dear friends I have. What a devoted family I have. How lucky I am to have been able to do something in my live that is meaningful to me and others.
You couldn’t ask for anything better than that … accept a little more.
Love,
Mary
Friday, July 4, 2008
Blog July 4, 2008
Dear friends,
The last month has found me in an up and down situation. Each day brings wonderful things to appreciate and equal challenges.
In enjoying the highs and avoiding the troughs I am living in the moment, resting, and taking advantage of the restoration that comes from rest. I am giving up the idea that I can do everything that I have done, or all the things that present themselves and are important.
My girls have been here and James has been taking loving care of me; taking up the enormous challenge to tempt my appetite to combat the nausea I have been experiencing. Friends have continued to send delicious food and bouquets, to my great delight!
I had to give up being at Feathered Pipe Ranch as it became more and more obvious that travel to Montana was not possible for this year. My thoughts travel easily however, and I will be there in spirit this coming week.
Today I am headed to Westchester to be with Elizabeth and her family for the holiday. I am looking forward to reading stories and making them up, homemade music and fireworks.
With love,
Mary
The last month has found me in an up and down situation. Each day brings wonderful things to appreciate and equal challenges.
In enjoying the highs and avoiding the troughs I am living in the moment, resting, and taking advantage of the restoration that comes from rest. I am giving up the idea that I can do everything that I have done, or all the things that present themselves and are important.
My girls have been here and James has been taking loving care of me; taking up the enormous challenge to tempt my appetite to combat the nausea I have been experiencing. Friends have continued to send delicious food and bouquets, to my great delight!
I had to give up being at Feathered Pipe Ranch as it became more and more obvious that travel to Montana was not possible for this year. My thoughts travel easily however, and I will be there in spirit this coming week.
Today I am headed to Westchester to be with Elizabeth and her family for the holiday. I am looking forward to reading stories and making them up, homemade music and fireworks.
With love,
Mary
Saturday, June 7, 2008
May 23 and June 7, 2008
Blog June 7, 2008
Dear friends,
I am sorry to be so out of touch but appreciate the huge support I feel from so many of you. My recovery continues to be gradual as the chemo on top of the surgery was harder on me than previous times. However, there is no doubt that I am getting better and finding my way back into my energy. Elizabeth Whalley, my college roommate and lifelong friend has been here from California this week helping and encouraging me.
Today, my daughter, Louise, and her family are here from Philadelphia and give me a chance to delight in my older set of grandchildren and catch up on their lives.
I have been to the Institute twice, once for the profound and inspiring lecture given by Faeq Biria on Svadhyaya, self-study, and also for the last session of this year’s teacher training class. Of course I am looking forward to getting to regular participation and teaching as time goes by.
My birthday was filled with well wishes, flowers, and family. James organized a time for those at the Institute to send me a montage of taped greetings topped off by a wonderful guitar solo by Lara Warren’s husband, Raphael. James is here for me always as the great and constant friend he is--keeping my spirits up, gently reminding me to rest and be patient, shopping and helping in all ways.
My doctor and I have a schedule for the upcoming treatments which will allow me to go to Feathered Pipe Ranch if I am feeling up to it. The carrot of that trip is coaxing me onward and upward and I am visualizing being on a plane after the Fourth of July as well as being in Greenwich and at the Institute before that.
Greetings, much love, and many, many thanks for all your greetings and love, outwardly and inwardly expressed.
Mary
Blog 5/23/08
Dear friends,
My first chemo after surgery went without a hitch on Wednesday. My daughter, Elizabeth, was with me. We had a good visit and I felt the protection of her care. My former husband, Roger, provided great comfort over the previous weekend of real convalescing. My daughter, Louise has been in close touch and has come from Philadelphia to be with me too.
Yesterday, I can really report that I felt more myself throughout the day, and today too. In illness, the sense of who I am seems to retreat and coalesce in a central part. Those around me reach into me to nurture and help in every practical, emotional, and spiritual way. I ask for help in so many ways and shed the independent being I am used to and let the truth and reality of our interdependence manifest.
I feel blessings said and unsaid, chanted and unsung, written and thought. Thank you all.
According to all predictions, the sun is out for upcoming days, and my treasured walks can resume with new enthusiasm. Chris Saudek is with me for the weekend, and we will enjoy things on all fronts and maybe even tackle the top of the jobs…. i.e. paperwork… that have very literally piled up. Anyway we are having fine talks, naps, walks and we even went out to dinner! As long as I pace myself, I can do a little more each day.
Much love to you all. Know that, although those around me caution me to not go too fast, my thoughts are that it will not be long before I am back at the Institute, my second home, enjoying the fruition of that dream. And I look forward to spending some time with each of my daughters, their mighty fine spouses and those four grandchildren I am crazy about.
With love,
Mary
Dear friends,
I am sorry to be so out of touch but appreciate the huge support I feel from so many of you. My recovery continues to be gradual as the chemo on top of the surgery was harder on me than previous times. However, there is no doubt that I am getting better and finding my way back into my energy. Elizabeth Whalley, my college roommate and lifelong friend has been here from California this week helping and encouraging me.
Today, my daughter, Louise, and her family are here from Philadelphia and give me a chance to delight in my older set of grandchildren and catch up on their lives.
I have been to the Institute twice, once for the profound and inspiring lecture given by Faeq Biria on Svadhyaya, self-study, and also for the last session of this year’s teacher training class. Of course I am looking forward to getting to regular participation and teaching as time goes by.
My birthday was filled with well wishes, flowers, and family. James organized a time for those at the Institute to send me a montage of taped greetings topped off by a wonderful guitar solo by Lara Warren’s husband, Raphael. James is here for me always as the great and constant friend he is--keeping my spirits up, gently reminding me to rest and be patient, shopping and helping in all ways.
My doctor and I have a schedule for the upcoming treatments which will allow me to go to Feathered Pipe Ranch if I am feeling up to it. The carrot of that trip is coaxing me onward and upward and I am visualizing being on a plane after the Fourth of July as well as being in Greenwich and at the Institute before that.
Greetings, much love, and many, many thanks for all your greetings and love, outwardly and inwardly expressed.
Mary
Blog 5/23/08
Dear friends,
My first chemo after surgery went without a hitch on Wednesday. My daughter, Elizabeth, was with me. We had a good visit and I felt the protection of her care. My former husband, Roger, provided great comfort over the previous weekend of real convalescing. My daughter, Louise has been in close touch and has come from Philadelphia to be with me too.
Yesterday, I can really report that I felt more myself throughout the day, and today too. In illness, the sense of who I am seems to retreat and coalesce in a central part. Those around me reach into me to nurture and help in every practical, emotional, and spiritual way. I ask for help in so many ways and shed the independent being I am used to and let the truth and reality of our interdependence manifest.
I feel blessings said and unsaid, chanted and unsung, written and thought. Thank you all.
According to all predictions, the sun is out for upcoming days, and my treasured walks can resume with new enthusiasm. Chris Saudek is with me for the weekend, and we will enjoy things on all fronts and maybe even tackle the top of the jobs…. i.e. paperwork… that have very literally piled up. Anyway we are having fine talks, naps, walks and we even went out to dinner! As long as I pace myself, I can do a little more each day.
Much love to you all. Know that, although those around me caution me to not go too fast, my thoughts are that it will not be long before I am back at the Institute, my second home, enjoying the fruition of that dream. And I look forward to spending some time with each of my daughters, their mighty fine spouses and those four grandchildren I am crazy about.
With love,
Mary
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